Pulse Nightclub Shooting: 49 Killed 10 Years Ago Today

I was standing right here. Ten years ago. The Pulse Nightclub still standing, surrounded by fencing and crime tape.

I wasn’t going to visit the Pulse site due to a time crunch, but I decided last minute to stop by and pray for lives lost in the Pulse Shooting. That quick stop quickly became a “forever” memory – one I will never forget.

Context on the Pulse Nightclub Shooting

But first, a bit of context. June 12th is the 10th memorial of the Pulse Nightclub Shooting. A gunman took Forty-nine (49) mostly young Latino lives when he entered the club and began indiscriminately murdering clubgoers. An additional fifty-three (53) people were injured.

I stayed up much of that night watching every breaking news alert from our home in Boston. With every hour, the number of dead and injured rose as the number of unaccounted for individuals declined. First responders worked well into the morning recovering and removing the final bodies from the club.

Pulse Nightclub owner Barbara Poma said soon after the shooting, “None of us will ever understand why this unspeakable event happened at Pulse, which was always intended to be a safe place for the LGBT community.” A place intended for safety became the deadliest anti-LGBT+ attack in US history.

Posture Shift’s Mission in Orlando

In the early morning hours of June 13, I had no idea that Orlando leaders would choose Posture Shift as the resource to train Orlando area evangelical leaders just 90 days later. Many church leaders were making every effort to serve their community in the aftermath of this terror attack. As they did, though, it became clear that attempts to help were actually hurting.

Without LGBT+ engagement and language skills, the leaders quickly recognized that they were offending people the very people who needed the most assistance. This was a missional deficit, not a lack of compassion. Pastors organized and did a national search to find out who could help train them. They chose Posture Shift.

A “Forever” Memory at the Memorial Site

This brings me back to my “forever” memory. I was so privileged to have just trained hundreds of Orlando pastor teams in one Posture Shift Intensive event. It was an incredible experience seeing how these leaders openly grieved the loss of life and genuinely committed to serve their city and make their churches safe for LGBT+ people.

The training was over. My flight on to the next Intensive event in Seattle left at 5 am the next morning. At my hotel, I was unsettled. How could I come to Orlando to help leaders in the aftermath of the Pulse Shooting and not even visit the site! No way.

I got in my rental car and drove 16 minutes to the Pulse site. Immediately, I knew I was in a place of grieving. I could not leave. Over three hours, there were moments when dozens of people gathered and other moments when it was just a few of us.

When I first arrived around 8 pm, I quickly noticed stacks of condolences letters that people had mailed to the site from everywhere. I was amazed at the creativity of remembrance gifts laying outside the fence surrounding the club. A tiny Christmas tree had 49 glass blown ornaments with a picture of each victim inside. It was sent from Germany!  People from all over the world sent notes and banners of condolences in many different languages.

It is hard to describe how many emotions gripped me as I saw that people from all over the world had invested significant time and devoted diligent effort to truly remember lives lost. There were gifts of glass, wood, and metal sent from all over the world.

Harder to process were the personalized messages of locals who had left direct messages to friends who were killed that night. “Matteo, I still see you! I love you always. I am sorry that I survived without you. I would have done anything to keep you alive. I am so sorry.”

Snapping pictures was a fine thing to do, but at a certain point I just had to put my phone away. This moment was too tender, too grievous, to photograph.

Meeting a Father Outside the Fence

I thought I was the only person at the site, but soon I hear a middle-aged man crying “My son, my son!!! I told him not to go to that club. I told him no son of mine should ever be gay.” He came up to me and grabbed my shoulders sobbing just repeating “My son, my son!”

Friends, I was soon in a pile of tears. What could I say? It was too much to even know where to begin with words. I just stood there crying looking into his eyes and holding his shoulders. I knew in this moment that my mere presence would be enough. This father did not need me talking – he just needed to be heard.

“I almost kicked him out of our home when he came out. And then June 12 came. That night, we heard the breaking news. I knew he was there. And in an instant, I was crying out to God, ‘Please don’t take my son!’ All night long, we heard nothing. Morning came and no news. But finally, I got the call.”

I was hanging onto his every word anxiously waiting to hear what he was about to say. He paused, “When my boy came out, I wanted him to die. I could never be the father of a gay son in my culture. I wanted him to die. But that night, in an instant on hearing about the shooting, I begged and pleaded with God to spare my son.”

And then this father looked away from me towards the fence and pointed: “My son, my son, I still got my son!” I have never watched such sorrowful tears turn to joyful tears in my entire life. Huddled against the fence was a 19-year-old Latino kid. Alive! I was overjoyed by the turn of this father’s story!

“When I got the call that morning, I thought it was the police who found my son’s phone and were using it to notify me of his death. Of course, I dialed his number all night but no answer. When I answered, I heard my son’s voice: ‘Dad, I am fine. Can I come home?’ Without a pause, I told him how much I love him and told him to please come home.”

Every night since the shooting, this father has brought his son to the Pulse Nightclub site.

“I grieve the loss of his friends. I know he is grieving. He is never going to that club again without me. God has given me back my son. I love him. I never want to lose him. I bring him here every night to just hug his friends (the fence). He just lays there and hugs his friends who died that night.”

Lessons of Unconditional Love from the Pulse Nightclub Site

Visiting the Pulse Site eight out of the ten memorials since 2016 has taught me something deeply meaningful. I witnessed a father display unconditional love for his child in real time. This personal experience has forever marked me. It reminds me of the importance of our ministry’s calling to train pastors and parents to love LBGT+ people unconditionally as well. We just don’t know when someone walks out the door of our home or church, if it will be the last time we can look them in the eye or give them the hug that says, “I love you.”

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For 20 years, Posture Shift has offered courses, training, events, and resources to equip church leaders and parents with language and skills to provide safe places for LGBT+ people. If our churches and homes aren’t the safest places for LGBT+ people, then where is?

If you are church leader, in any capacity in your local church, and this story resonates with you, please consider a free 30 minute inquiry call with me. Click the link to schedule a call and discover the training we offer, and how to navigate leading your church in such a critical time as we live in today. We exist to serve the church and families around the world, and would be honored to connect with you.